Immortals Announces New Super Mario Kart Expansion | Acquires Brazilian Roster

After carefully surveying the esports ecosystem, Immortals is proud to announce that we’re ready to expand into a new game… and revisit an old fan favorite at the same time. Each and every time we sign a new team, we look to capture the authentic spirit of a competitive experience and pick a roster that will represent Immortals core values. We’ve finally found the perfect fit, and we’ll be bringing aboard a Brazilian roster for our new venture.

That’s right: Immortals is expanding into Super Mario Kart. This 1992 classic has all of the hallmarks of a great esport: fast paced action, multi-layered strategy, staying power, and the ability to play as Bowser. From Koopa Beach to Choco Island, you can expect our roster to set new records and claim those elusive gold cups.

We’ve hired new camera and content staff to help us handle this transition, so please join us in welcoming the Lakitu aboard. These mysterious, free-floating Koopas have a wealth of experience in filming Mario Kart and bombarding our enemies with spiny eggs. We have no doubt that they’ll round out Immortals and continue to make our organization truly special.

We’re really hitting the nitro with this new expansion, and we’ll have more details to announce soon. Stay tuned as we prepare to announce our roster, first tournament dates, and where to watch.

As we prepare to announce our Brazilian Super Mario Kart (1992) roster, we’ve run into a few complications. In the interest of transparency, we’d like to share those issues with you as well as a road map.

First of all, it has been brought to our attention that Super Mario Kart does not have online play. We’ll be working to set up a scrim space on the Immortals campus that will create a best-in-class Mario Kart experience, but it will take us some coordination and time with the architect to truly create an arena capable of handling such a demand.

Secondly, we realized during the roster building process that Super Mario Kart lacks blue sparks. The Mini-Turbo feature allows us to truly scout and acquire the best talent, so we’ll be working around this issue to find the fastest racers.

Finally, someone hit CEO Noah Whinston with a blue shell at some point during practice, and the blue shell is really unfair in general. We look forward to working directly with Nintendo to resolve the blue shell balance issues. We’ve also come together to agree that banana peels are dumb.

As always, we’ll work tirelessly to bring you updates on our Mario Kart roster. Whether we end up competing in Double Dash!!, Mario Kart DS, or Mario Kart 8, you can rest assured knowing that we’ll be working to create the best competitive viewing experience possible.

We’ve had an amazing journey in Super Mario Kart from the beginning to the end of this announcement, and as an organization, we’ve formed a smorgasbord of truly unforgettable memories. From forming our Brazilian roster to realizing Mario Kart is not actually an esport, we’ve had a rollercoaster ride that will stay with us forever. Unfortunately, we’ve realized that our dream of a Mario Kart esports squad simply wasn’t meant to be.We’d like to thank everyone who participated in our roster building efforts, our fans for their tireless support, Shigeru Miyamoto, and the contributors to the Mario Kart wiki. We walk away from this particular game a little wiser and with no regrets.

While our Mario Kart roster are now all free agents, we will accept offers on our SNES, a veteran with nearly three decades of competitive gaming experience. If you are interested in purchasing out their contract, please contact us through the appropriate channels.